Jesus Healed My Heart

12:05 am, 29 November 2010

I wish to thank God! Today, I was at the lowest and most stressful point of my life. Throughout the weeks before, there were disappointments, moments of loneliness, expectations from outsiders, standards I had to fulfill to please a certain someone – the someone keeps changing, demands to be met by designated deadlines. One thing I saw in myself – My Faith was gone. My faith in God was gone. Why? Because of the cold, insensitive and indifferent replies I received, the hardened hearts I saw – harder than a tough nut, people I’ve been praying for and working on for years – still being their same old self or worse, hopeless youths who endanger the lives of one another.. Yes Xiuxiu Laoshi was right, and has always been right about my life. “Our trust in the Lord is built from the foundation of Faith, not the clever arguments of men.” I will always remember this verse now. It’s not like if we can argue, not just verbally, but also in our hearts, about how God isn’t real in our lives. It’s not something we should argue about, because by arguing in this way, we’re being too full of ourselves, and not allowing God an opportunity to enter our hearts and transform our lives. I was saddened by the fact that my Ls have hardened their hearts against God, but it’s truly alright.. I will not take things into my own hands, but trust God to work in their hearts at the right timing. That would be much easier, wouldn’t it?

So today, I’m sorry God.. And I apologise to You once again, for devastating Your heart when I just broke down upon a few trivial lashings from my S. But I believe God, You have Your perfect plan behind all these imperfect ordeals. I love it the moment You spoke to me personally, in my heart, that I am Yours, and Yours alone. God, You told me that my heart was too crowded with many worries, expectations of myself, deadlines that I will have to upkeep to keep up with the school’s standard of one doing well. Yet, God, You reminded me at the same time, that I was not living for my Ls, nor my school, much less anyone else that You have placed in my life to draw me closer to You, but You have reminded me that I was, and I am, and I will ALWAYS be living for You. Almighty God, today I come before Your throne of Grace, with a brand new heart I embrace, Your warm blessings into my life. May it overflow, like an endless river of purity. Let my life be excited not by food, nor achievements, nor competition, but let my life – my spirit, my soul, my body, my heart and my mind be alive for Jesus Christ, the Risen King! Let my life be excited and challenged and worth pursuing a step further, many steps further, because I love You, Lord.. Because I love You more than anything else in the world.. Because I have set You apart from the rest as my personal Lord and my personal Saviour.. Because You have become the priority of my life.. Because You are my everything, and everything that I have in my hands now, are Yours alone, which no one can take away.

Father, I’m opening the door for my grandfather to enter now. Please grant him a soft and gentle heart, and me, a heart full of Christ’s love, and a life full of Christ’s likeness.

Draw me close to You, Never let me go
You are my desire, No one else would do
I’m laying it all down again, To hear You say that I’m Your Friend
Bring me back to You, Never let me go
You’re all I want, You’re all I ever needed
You’re all I want, Help me know You are near

Lord, help me to serve You with the right motives and the right attitudes. Examine my heart, and purify my life. God, I pray that You will continue to reign in my family. Help my grandfather, my grandmother, my father, my mother, Cherie my sister, Alicia my sister, Ignatius my brother, to be covered and protected by the blood of Jesus, and in the name of Jesus, let us be set free, O LORD! I proclaim freedom, righteousness, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control in my family. All of our lives, will be lived to honour You and to please You, my Lord!

Lord, also thank You for reminding me as You spoke to me to “Freely receive from You, and Freely give to others”. Lord, in this way, I know I will never run dry, but will always be able to run with Joy, knowing that I am the channel that releases Your blessings unto others, but You are, and will always be my Provider, till eternity. I long to see You at the Heavenly gates when my time is up! While I am still here on earth, remind me of the Cross that is always placed before my eyes. I am to look to the cross, and set my eyes on Jesus, in everything that I do, in everything that I say, in all that I think, I must do it for Jesus Christ.

In Jesus Most Precious Name I Pray,
AMEN. 🙂

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