Amazing Love

This song truly describes how I feel about you and what went on within me today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QmQK0jFvlk

Thank You Lord. I will wait upon You.

With love,
Daughter Venus

Dear God Heavenly Father,

There are some things I do not understand. When I shut my eyes now, I feel like I will be able to just shut my eyes forever and sleep. My heart is heavy, I guess I still do not know and understand how society works, I’m not used to the world. I feel that everyone is different, there is no one size fits all, and that the schools should be more flexible in the way they structure the rules for the new generation of children.

I am extremely slow in completing tasks, because I refuse to make myself a slave to work. I want to be able to enjoy work and complete them at the same time, at my own pace. Maybe that’s why I wouldn’t stay up to complete my work or tie myself up on a chair to complete my work… Not that I haven’t tried. I have tried doing my Psychology essay back in Year 1, trying to complete it overnight at Starbucks, but I think I still got a C for that module eventually.

Besides being extremely slow, I am not intelligent. You know how it is like to spend hours on the laptop doing research, and then find that all the research I just did wouldn’t be able to apply to every aspect of the theme or topic I am covering. For my Abnormal Psychology essay, alcohol abuse is the theme, and the aspects I have to cover under it include services, caregivers’ experience, individual’s experience, and the gaps I see in the services in future trends. There are simply some aspects I have to spend a long time sourcing for information. Recently, I had to do my Community Psychology essay, and after I have managed to source for information from a book and several websites, there wasn’t time to put everything together for submission by the deadline. I spent too much time gathering information and had to submit an essay that was not complete, nor had all the information I’ve gathered processed through my writing. That is wasted effort and time for neglecting the processing and producing parts, isn’t it?

Sadly, I am also a perfectionist. There might have been some information I’ve gathered through my research but I’ve failed to put them into my essays, because I think they are not of sufficient quality. However, because of my tendency to write with references to multiple literature reviews, some reviews I found have been irrelevant, thus I had wasted time reading them when I could spend it to process few literature reviews instead.

In my opinion, it would definitely be ideal to have everyone submit their work at their own time, as long as we submit it eventually. But because there are the minority, me included, who may forfeit the opportunity to do my work if there isn’t a deadline, schools and the workplace have imposed that for every task or assignment. If there weren’t a deadline, people will find that there is no control over when the work will be submitted and mess up the whole system. Maybe I could ignore the school’s deadline and set my own. Changing my perspective a little may help. When I set my own deadline, it means I’m free to submit it at my own time. However, in order to survive in this constant state of frenzy, I’ll need to set the deadline earlier than the school’s. When I submit my work before the deadline set by the school, my “non-conformist” side will not be obvious at all. No longer will I add stress, frustration, worry and anger on others. I’ll be less depressed too.

Ecclesiastes 2:24-26 “A person can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their own toil. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without Him, who can eat or find enjoyment? To the person who pleases Him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner He gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God.”

When asked about my weaknesses by Ms I, WISP lecturer, she brought up time management, and I added on to her list, with slowness and priorities management. I guess for me, priorities don’t come in the form of deadlines in ascending order, but rather in terms of value. I may have seen maximum value in serving my sheep and serving at Church, but less value on the deadlines the school have set. After all, it’s school I see when it comes to deadlines and not the deadlines themselves. But I also know that school is the place God has set my feet on, and school itself is a training and moulding ground. Even though God is above everyone and everything else, but He definitely wants me to be a testimony for Him at school. He definitely wants me to be excellent!

Lord, please help me excel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUWbmtbzDno

In Jesus’ Most Precious Name I give thanks,
AMEN!