I am very troubled right now.
There are so many obstacles that I’ve been facing since I stepped into FT ministry. However, this was the path I chose. I am sorry, if I had not practised self-control even while speaking with my parents. I have chosen to tell them everything, when You are the One I should confide in. I know my Dad cares for me, but I do not like the way he went up to my boss to speak up for me. His intentions may be right, but his understanding may be wrong.
I chose to follow my boss, because I wanted to learn from him what it meant to do business in the marketplace and what it meant to be able to manage oneself. He is someone I look up to and I wanted to be mentored in these areas. Studying in Bible School is far from easy, but I was the one who chose this path. I am sorry for the times I stayed up late to complete my work and the times I complained about it, when this was all I wanted to do in life. I wanted to take care of projects, but now even my parents do not allow me to fail. God, I am sorry that my parents do not allow me to fail. They only want me to succeed.
God, does this post even make sense? I want to fail, well. I want to do well, in my walk with You, so I want to please You, by doing things that are after Your heart. It pains me to know that I shouldn’t have said these that were shared in confidance to my very own parents, who are but humans. God, would You work through my parents, so that they would be less intrusive and more supportive of my decisions?
God, I am sorry that I have been a letdown to people around me. I am sorry, but my dad’s view of me is that of incompetence, and my dad’s view of me is that of never matching up, when what I am doing is the exact opposite, striving against what people think of me and what I think of myself. God, I am so sorry, that I’ve failed You. It seems that my dad needs deliverance and healing. He may have seen himself in me, and was trying to be the one to protect me because he had failed and it must have hurt him badly – the comments that others hurl on him and the expectations of himself that were never met.
God, however, I am me, uniquely me. I am not who I think I am. I am not who others think I am. I am who You think I am. So help me, God, to please only You, and to learn to walk alongside people I need to, in order to be the one You have called me to be. Help me to trust You more than anyone. Help me to love You most. Help me to rest in You. Help me to help others. This is my area of gifting – to serve and to help, to exhort, as well as to shepherd and admin.
Amazing Love 
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